


Life is good, Isak.

by ann_fortunately



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Isak Valtersen - Freeform, M/M, SKAM, even - Freeform, isak - Freeform, isak x even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8772376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ann_fortunately/pseuds/ann_fortunately
Summary: The things you are most afraid to say.Say them.





	1. Isak

\------------

 

 

 

He's back in their room. He avoided people in the hall, thought they were looking at him as if they wanted answers. But he hasn't got even a single one. The only thing he has is this huge amount of questions. He hears them all in his head but he cannot hear them correctly. It's as if all of them were flying around in his mind half-transparent. It's annoying.

He sits down on the bed. Looks around the suite. There's a mess in there, pillows and unfinished food on the floor. Even's shoes lying in the corner right next to the bathroom. It seems like forever until Isak realizes that he's holding something in his arms. He looks at Even's clothes. He puts them on his knees, touches them. He lifts them to his mouth and nose, breathes slowly. He's got no clue how it's possible that just a piece of fabric can remind him of Even's skin.

_Where are you? Are you safe? How do you feel? Is she with you to make you feel good? Is she better than me?_

Isak sniffs and wipes a few tears with Even's shirt.

Even doesn't care. Why would he? Isak is just something that Even finds interesting. Something temporary. Something that he can play with while he's interested in it, but when he gets bored he would just throw it away. Like a toy. Just a trouble.

It's been this way since Isak can remember. He doesn't really think he ever tasted love. He's been having problems with his mom since always and his dad was out so often that he can't tell if there was a day that they shared together. Isak can't tell if his dad loves him or not, can't tell what is his dad's favorite fruit or color, what he listens to, what he is like, what he believes in. Nothing. And mom? He can only remember his mom walking from room to room, talking and mouthing, reciting from memory whatever she could - poems, prayers, verses from the Bible.

He met Jonas and thought about his fate smiling at him. Maybe that was it, his way to happiness. Maybe he didn't need family, maybe his friends can be everything he needs. Jonas understood him, he understood Jonas. No words needed. They felt comfortable with each other without the need of telling everything. If they felt like being silent, they were, and they knew there would come a moment, when the bills will be spilled. And then Eva. She came out of the blue, destroying Isak's reality. His safe place. Of course she did. Because why would Isak ever deserve to be safe and loved?

He never came back home. He likes Eskild, and probably Eskild likes him back, but that's it. He doesn't feel needed. He has no one who would take care of him. He has Jonas, he knows, but Jonas is not a confessional and his way to heaven. Jonas has his own problems and Isak is none of them. At least he hopes he's not.

Even seemed to be giving him all he needed. Attention. Hearing. Safety. Isak felt Even giving him his 100% but couldn't do the same. He wasn't able to stop himself from being suspicious, because he knew it wouldn't last long. It never had.

Sonja said that Even doesn't love him.

Isak smiles. He knows. He's always known. It was way too good to be true.  

He doesn't know if there is a place worse that Eskild's basement where the world wouldn't be able to see him like this. Exposed. Helpless. Empty. Stupid. He is just _so stupid_.

He shouldn't have a thing that makes him happy. He does not deserve it. He's been hurting people unwillingly, he ran away from his parents, he's been lying like an asshole who he is. What does the world have to offer him?

But he thinks it's good he had Even for a little while. It's good that he could smile whenever Even smiled, he could look at Even shamelessly because Even looked at him back in the same way. That he could touch him, hug him, kiss him.

The boy wipes his eyes again.  _Hasn't the life taught you that you cannot have what you want?_

In fact, it has, and that is why he feels so dumb. He looks at Even's clothes and laughs. He knows he should go away and never come back. Shut the room's door, not looking round, not looking back. But he doesn't want to lose it all. He feels like everything is okay as long as he's here. That this is his world. Him, the bed, Even's clothes. The smell of their naked bodies, and the unfinished food.

No matter how much he denies it, he knows he must let go. He has to throw away Even's things, Even's smile, Even's everything. But how? For God's sake, how?

He believed him. He believed in Even's proposal, even though it sounded so ridiculous and unreal. He believed in them dressed up in some stupid Halloween costumes, standing in a church. He believed in mini burgers. And this fucking huge wedding.

He shouts and throws the clothes away. But not so far. Close enough to hear a noise that any of Even's clothes would make. He looks at the floor where Even's things landed and notices a small… something. He approaches the wall angrily. What kind of joke is that?

He picks it up from the floor. A pendrive. Small, black, with a tape stick around it. He notices some letters written on the tape but they are blurred. He swallows.

What the hell, Even?

Isak looks around looking for something that he can plug the pendrive in. No computer, no DVD player. He walks up to the TV and he clenches his jaw when he perceives the thing he was looking for.

After a few seconds Isak sits down on the bed. He looks at the black screen holding the remote in his hands. Is there anything else that he could do? Yes, he should probably get out of here. It's Even's pendrive. His privacy. Isak has no right to know what it contains. Screw him.

Isak turns on the TV and within seconds he plays the only file he finds. It's a movie file.

The screen becomes black again and the only thing that Isak can hear is some kind of hum.

**_"Why do you always win?"_ **

_" **Because you're a loser. But don't you worry, you're a cute one."**_

**_"You're the loser, it's not fair you always win! I need my revenge."_ **

**_"You know you won't win?"_ **

**_"Shut up, at least let me try. Eskild! Are you recording this? Why are you recording this? Shut this down, I mean it!"_ **

Isak sees himself and Even sitting in front of the TV's screen, punching each other and laughing. Everything in a bit of slow motion, without a sound.

**_"You two are cute!"_ **

**Isak on the screen turns around and it's probably the moment he sees Eskild.**

Black screen again.

_**"Hi!"** _

**Even's face shows up. He's walking through the street filming himself.**

_**"I'm going to meet... I'm sorry! Asshole. I'm about to meet this cutie pie who's standing right there..."** _

**The screen flashes and now it shows Isak standing on the other side of the street checking on his phone.**

_**"This little bastard doesn't even notice his love coming for him but gimme a few days. But c'mon, he was able to spot me from the other side of the school, anyone know what happened since then?"** _

**Even laughs as he approaches Isak.**

_**"Hey, are you filming it?"** _

_**"I'm totally filming it!"** _

_**"Why are you filming me? Shut it down! Stop it!"** _

**Isak laughs and tries to take Even's phone but the taller boy starts running.**

Black screen.

**_"I told you I would do this."_ **

For a few seconds the only thing Isak can see is black. No more hums, no more sounds. He waits.

_**"I promised, didn't I? It's fucking middle of the night, it's freezing outside. It's 2a.m., so Friday has already started. It's our day."** _

Silence again.

_**"Missed me?"** _

Even's face shows up on the screen and Isak finds out he's in tears. He cannot stop it - he wipes his tears away, but more of them pour on his cheeks, and lips.

_**"Oh my god, it's so fucking cold. Pretend you didn't hear that, child, and watch your language."** _

**He winks to the camera. He settles himself comfortable on his chair, and clicks something.**

_**"I know it was meant to be about you, but don't you worry, it's just a trailer."** _

Isak smiles slightly through the tears.

_**"I want to tell you something."** _

**Even combs his hair with his fingers. He swallows as he seems to be losing his usual "cool" look. There is no confidence in his eyes. He is visibly scared. So easy to destroy, so gentle.**

_**"I honestly don't know what for I am filming it, I ain't sure if I will ever have any courage to show you this, but I am - feeling like I need to tell you. I actually hope that I will be able to say all of this today's evening. Or tomorrow. Before something happens. Just... If something happens today, I know it will happen because of me. Don't you ever feel like you're the guilty one. God, I act as if I was talking** _ **with** _**you, not to you. But that makes it easier, you know? Though you cannot answer. But that's okay too. At least now. Anyway.**_

_**I feel like such a coward. You know, I tried to tell you this once, and then you said... I don't want to..."** _

**The boy looks aside, and turns in the chair, so now Isak can see his profile.**

_**"What I want you to know is that I never lied about Sonja.** _ **Never** _**. I didn't lie when I said she's controlling, and that she wants to control you too. But I guess I need to start from the beginning."** _

**Even stands up and starts walking from side to side.**

_**"I've never been to Elvebakken. In fact, I've lived in Oslo like for a few months. It doesn't matter now, but if you wanna ask where I lived before, go for it. I'm here to answer after all."** _

**Even approaches the desk and sits on his chair again.**

_**"Whatever. I had some kind of break in the last year of school. I just did something stupid. At least I tried. I mean,** _ **now** _**I know it was stupid, but then... Then it seemed like the best idea that I'd ever had. If you ask me now, I would totally admit that jumping from the roof is not the best idea. Especially when it's a roof of your school. And it's in the middle of a break. And everyone is staring. And you wear nothing but your blouse tied around your waist. And it's fucking cold. At least if you want to live. The thing is, I** _ **wanted** _**to live. That's why I was about to jump."** _

**Even licks his lips and his eyes seem to be looking for Isak's through the screen.**

**" _My mom says I was smiling then. That I was saying I was a falcon and I was ready for the flight of my life. I remember she came closer, stood next to me and asked: 'where will you fly?', and I answered 'wherever the wind will take me'. And then she asked if she could go with me, and I said she wasn't ready. She claimed she was older than me, so she was more ready. She took my hand and pulled me back. I went back home with her, mad that she didn't want to let me fly._ "**

Even doesn't say a word for a few minutes, and Isak realizes that his lips are slightly parted and he has his tears in his  mouth. He wipes them with the sleeve of his blouse, and smells the sweat that reminds him about him running through the streets after Even. He looks up and stares at Even. His Even, so fragile right now.

**" _I was diagnosed a few day later. With this shit called so many ways. Manic-depressive psychosis. Manic depression. Bipolar disorder. I like call myself a freak. 'Cause what else I am?"_**

**He laughs, but his laugh doesn't reach his eyes.**

_**"I'm sorry, it's just... I don't know what to say anymore. Never have I thought I would have to say all of this, because I was sure I would never meet... someone like you. I don't think I need to tell you everything about my issues since I know you like looking for information yourself. But if you have doubts, ask me. What you need to know from me for now is that all of this shit does not affect my feelings at all. Sonja doesn't think so. Sonja is dumb, she's blind. She thinks I cannot think, she probably thinks I am some kind of a brainwashed idiot that she can take care of, so she can be proud of herself for being**_ **so helpful** _**. But she is so** _ **fucking** _**annoying. We were friends since I can remember. And when the high school came, she decided we should be a couple, because in her thinking that was natural for us. I agreed. I had nobody beside her. I loved her, but not the way she thought. I loved her for being my friend, for listening me and for being helpful every time I needed her to be. But it all started to be so fucking tiring. She was a pain. She kept asking me where I was going, with whom, when I was about to be back. I had no heart to break up with her. She was my safe place. And she was the first one to know about my disorder, after my parents of course. Actually, the whole school knew. I never went back there. My parents decided to move, but Sonja wanted to go with me. My parents adore her, for them she's like one of these girl who would make a perfect wife. So they waited until the school year ended. And here we are. Me and her. My parents ain't here, they decided I could go on my own."** _

**Even stops talking for a while. He taps the desk with his fingers.**

**" _Once I forgot my meds. And when I forget my meds, I have something called an episode. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's like I'm fucking high, and sometimes it's amazingly terrible. Like scaring. It's like a horror movie. Everything is bad then. We were watching a movie, and she asked me how was my exam or something, and I started yelling. I said I didn't love her and she could fuck off because she was so annoying. The following day she asked if I remembered anything from the previous evening. I said no. I lied. But she was happy, she believed me. And that was_ the _mistake. One of the worst in my life. Since then she's been thinking I can't remember a thing when I'm out of my meds. Actually it's entertaining at that times because I feel like every most fucked up idea is like the best idea in the world. Like this thing with me flying."_**

**Even smiles, but once more, his smile has nothing in common with his eyes. They stay sad and scared as the boy seems to be looking for Isak's eyes again.**

_**"I wish I could see your face now, Issy, so I could know if I can go on with my babbling or I should stop. The thing with Sonja is that she is in control. She thinks she knows me. She thinks I am out of my mind, that my brain doesn't work properly. I let her think this way, because it was easier. She had fun being in control, and I didn't have to worry if I have someone who would help me in case I had my episode. Once she threw away the arabic Quran. I have no idea why, I had to fucking learn the whole three pages of this shit because I'd managed to argue with my history's teacher. So that was my punishment. And she just threw it away saying I'm crazy. But it wasn't me being crazy. It was her, Isak. It was her who got worse after I'd gotten diagnosed. I'm still the same Even. I just have weaker moments, and actually they happen because I'm kinda forgetful or way too lazy to go to the pharmacy to buy these shits. Sonja thinks she can have me, but she's wrong. Because I will never**_ **let** _**her have me. It's** _ **you** _**who I belong to, Isak. It's** _ **you** _**who I want to have me."** _

Isak feels like his whole body just went out of blood. He is sure that he can see his brain waving to him from a hammock swinging between trees in Hawaii. He exhales, reminding himself he must breath - with or without his brain.

_**"You think you are the one who spotted me first, but you're wrong. I will probably never tell you this, but it was me who noticed you as you were approaching your friends. I saw your smile, heard you laugh and it was the end of me. I wasn't able to get my eyes off of you. After that you were just like a song stuck in my head. The irritating one, because you don't know its lyrics and title. But I learnt your name. I followed you once upon a time. It was no accident that you saw me then in the cafeteria. I knew you would show up, just didn't hide fast enough 'cause of those girls. I fell, man. I fell so deep down that you have no idea."** _

Even finally smiles with a smile that includes his eyes and Isak smiles too, because it's the first time he sees Even so free. It's like he just got rid off the biggest burden that was stopping him from being himself in 100 percent. Isak feels like flying, he cries again, but this time he has no intention to stop it.

_**"Before I met you, I hadn't considered myself gay. That's probably because I never had been about being in relationship. I'd had Sonja and I hadn't felt alone. But you... With you I feel like everything is all right. Like the world finally makes sense and I am sure that it will be okay as long as you are with me. With you I can see. Everything."** _

**Even leans back and looks at his hands. He gazes at his fingers breathing calmly.**

_**"Sonja is mad at me because I said I wouldn't take these meds anymore. Because** _ **you're** _**my medication, Isak."** _

**He looks up. The smile disappeared, but he isn't sad.**

_**"You are my best and worst. You are my everything and I didn't know that until I lost you the day you said you didn't want mentally ill people in your life. That's why I didn't say a word about me. That's why I run away to Sonja, because she knew me and she was safe. But now I know it's my duty to tell you the truth. And I will. I promise. Because I love you, Isak. Please, don't hate me for all I've done. Don't hate me for what I'll do when I'm out of the reality. Please, bring me back to life when I'm gone."** _

**Even leans over the desk and reaches the camera. He stops for a while and smiles.**

_**"Life is so good, Isak. Life is good no matter what."** _

Isak looks at the black screen. He doesn't hear a thing anymore. He's got no idea if his heart beats and if he breathes.

He stands up.

He walks around the room looking for a clear piece of sheet and when he finds something in his backpack, he sits on the bed and starts drawing. He isn't perfect. But he does his best. His tears falls on the paper in his hands, his laugh is choked, he cries. He cries like he never cried before.

When he thinks it's finished, he folds the paper slowly, puts it in his pocket, and starts picking up everything that belongs to him and Even. Still crying, he tidies up all the mess in the room and when he's done, he gets out of it.

He enters the elevator. Time seems to not matter at all. The darkness outside hits him when he finally comes out of the hotel. He knows where to go, but first he turns his head back - only once.

Because the only way to keep something forever is by losing it.

 

 

 __________

_It's my first ff in English (Poland here, hi), so please don't hate me for mistakes I made :(_

 

 


	2. Even

Sorry for typos and grammar mistakes, I'll make it up tomorrow.

______

 

  
"Even? Even, are you asleep?"

Though he tried to ignore the steps he heard, he cannot ignore the voice. He stands up a bit too fast, losing his balance for a while, but he approaches the bars. His cheeks and eyes are red, but the rest of his face is pale.

"What do you want?", he asks a bit too loud. Someone in the cell next to his one tells them to shut up.

She stands in front of him, and swallows. Unlike her, he's nowhere near nervous. He stays calm, looking at her in anticipation.

"The police said I can pay your bail and then you can..."

He snorts.

"You are not going to pay anything. You know why? Because you are going to get the fuck away from here, and I am never gonna see you again", he says searching for her eyes. She keeps staring at the floor. " _Understood_?"

He is scared. Never before in his life has he been scared this much. Never has he lost this much. But if he doesn't want to lose anything more, he needs to get rid of the major problem.

She coughs, her eyes are unstable keep looking in a different direction.

"You don't mean it, Even, you're..."

"Brainless?", he laughs ironically. "Stupid? Dumb? Out of my mind? Crazy? Oh, no, wait, I know what you wanna say. Freak. Is this the word you were looking for? Look at me when I talk to you."

She looks at his arm, at his fingers that hold the metal bar so tight that they get red.

"No." She shakes her head, clenching her jaw. "It's not the word."

"Liar. You're a liar, Sonja. I don't want you in my life anymore."

Doesn't he?

Since he can remember it was her who always was by his side no matter what. But he knows that everything changed when they started high school. Actually, he never felt like she is right for him. It was good to have her, she wasn't bad for him, she was neutral. She was safe. She was helping him with his homework, with his household duties, she was his arm when he was crying and his ladder when he was down. But these days were over so much time ago that he cannot say when exactly. He had nobody beside her. He didn't need anybody beside her.

"You can't say so, you're not yourself now, you will not remember any of this anyway an-"

"Ok, let me tell you something", he interrupts. "Look at me."

"Even..."

"Look at me", he insists firmly.

She lifts her head up and meets his gaze. She has tears in her eyes, but Even doesn't see anything else behind them. She ain't sorry. She just feels in duty. She's convinced that she can have him and that within a few hours she _will_  have her Even back.

Not gonna happen.

"Let me tell you a story", he starts without a smile. His nervousness disappeared, he just looks at her calmly. "Once upon a time there were a girl and a boy. The boy liked her because she was very nice to him, and he felt good with her. She seemed to like hem too. They were doing together everything. They even shared a fork when they were having a picnic. But the boy never felt enough, he was just good and he didn't need anything more. Blah, blah, blah, a few years later shit happened and it turned out he had a disorder. So the girl was trying to do everything to make sure he's ok. But she got crazy. Way more than controlling, which he could stand - she started to think that she knew his thoughts better than him. He didn't object, because she was always a help, and she was the safe place where he could always be back if he needed. She started believing that he couldn't remember a shit when he had his moments, and that was easier, because she didn't have to remember what he was saying then. He lied about it, 'cause why not? Again, she was safe. Then he met someone who he fell in love with, and the girl was convinced it's just his imagination. So she was happy when he once came back to her saying that the one he loves doesn't want him in his life. And right now she's fucking sure he loves her as much as she loves him. But that's not true. In fact, he's never loved her. He just loved the things she was doing for him. She's nothing for him, nothing more than just an old friend. And he's done with this shit. So done."

The silence between them seems to last forever. Even doesn't say a word, he just waits for her. Because he cannot stand her anymore. He can't even look at her without a thought that he would be working as a prostitute if it would make her disappear.

"You don't love me?", that's all she says. So quietly he can barely hear.

"I don't. I don't want you, Sonja. I've never wanted you this way. It was you who had this brilliant idea of us being a couple, and so I agreed, because why not? I just didn't know you were so fucked up then."

"Don't you say that."

"Why, Sonja? This is all you are, can't you see? You think I'm a newborn? That I have no brain, no thoughts, no feelings?  
If you think so, why were you with me? Because if in your thinking I ain't able to feel, then I'm not able to love you. So what are you doing here? I'm not your fucking dog. You can't be walking with me like I'm your puppy that you can show off with in front of your friends. You're not my babysitter. You're nobody for me, Sonja, and I have no idea how the hell you never noticed this before."

He can't stop himself. The meds hasn't started work fully and he was thankful for that, because he isn't sure if he would be able to tell the girl all of this.

"What do you want me to do, Even?", she asks. But he hears no hope in her voice, nothing that would make him sure she actually loves him. It's been like this for a while so he isn't surprised. He just wonders why she was still by his side.

"Suddenly you think I _want_? What is your problem, girl?"

"You are my problem!", she explodes out of the blue. Her face goes red, she wiped her tears away. "I always wanted you to feel good, I've wanted the best for you, and you fucking left me for this asshole!"

Even feels like his throat goes dry. Ha can't believe she just said that. She has no right. He know he fucked up, he cheated on her, but she has no right.

"First of all, I'm not gonna allow you to talk about Isak this way. He's innocent. It was me who lied, it was me who decided to not say a word to you because I knew you would bit the shit out of him. Look at you. You can't stand it when someone takes your things. You don't own me, Sonja. Go live your life. Be happy. But leave me, please." He smiles, because he knows it's over. That he can be free now, even if this means he'll be on his own. "I'm sorry for lying to you, but I don't regret it. Lying to you and being with Isak let me find myself. I'm sorry I never loved you the way you loved me, but you never asked. I'm giving you a choice and your choice isn't me. We both know that."

She looks at Even. For a minute it seems like she waits for him to say " _I'm kidding, go pay, and let's get out of here_ ".

She takes the last look of him, and she leaves him. Her steps are even, she goes straight and proud as always. Even watches her for a while with no regret. He thought that maybe he would miss her when this moment would come, but he doesn't feel a thing.

He's left alone. The silence is unbearable. He taps the bars with his fingers, he breathes, he listens to his heart beating. But it's not enough, it doesn't quiet his thoughts.

_Isak, Isak, Isak._

He'd like to repeat this day. He would like to do everything a bit different.

He wishes he could live in the parallel  universe, where he would be brave. Where he would call in the morning as he'd planned, where he would meet Isak in  
someplace good for them where they would be alone, where the world wouldn't exist, and he would explain everything. In that universe they would go to the suite in peace and understanding, and Isak would know what to do when a bad thing would happen. And they would be sleeping now, next to each other, dreaming the dreams about which they would talk in the morning.

He wishes he had him right next to him. He misses his skin, his breath, his smile, his eyes, his warm hands. He misses his voice that always makes him calm, his words that make him smile. He misses Isak like he never missed anyone.

Even slides down the bars, and lands on his knees resting his forehead on the cold metal.

He feels broken. He failed. He had Isak, and he left him with no explanation. His boy probably came back home, maybe a bit terrified, maybe a bit surprised, but most likely not able to trust Even again. And Even gets it, he wouldn't trust himself, too.

He remembers the day he spotted Isak on the schoolyard. It was just a moment, a moment that didn't last longer than a spark. And he knew that losing this boy would hurt. But God, how little did he knew then. He wasn't careful, he fell too deep. But it felt good.

He looks at the floor. There is so many things he would like to tell Isak.

That his heart skips like crazy when he sees him. That Isak makes him real. That Isak makes him feel himself. That he thinks about him everyday. That he loves when Isak's nose crinkles as he giggles, and that he loves the way he laughs.

He would tell him about everything that he loves about this boy, from the bottom to the top.

"Hey, kiddo, got you something to eat".

Even lifts up his head and looks at the policeman he didn't see coming.

"I don't wanna eat", he whispers.

The woman crouches and looks at his face. She wipes his tears away, those that he didn't notice. "I think you do, young man."

She smiles at him and hands him a sandwich packed up in a plastic bag. He takes it hesitantly nodding his head. The policeman stands up and walks away slowly.

Even crumples the package in his hands as he leans against the cold wall.

His fingers stop moving. Since when a sandwich wrapped up in a plastic foil sounds like a piece of paper? Even draws his knees to his chest and slowly unties the knot. He turns it on the other side.

He pulls the sheet out of the plastic bag and unfolds it slowly.

It's a drawing. Similar to those which he usually draws for Isak, with two squares. One of them is signed "in this universe", and the other one "in the parallel universe".

The left one shows Isak sleeping on a bed, and hugging a pillow. It's signed "Where I have no clue what's going on and I am back to being alone".

The other one shows them both on the same bed, both sleeping. Even lays on Isak's bare chest and Isak is kissing his head.

"Where you told me in a proper way and I still have you because I'm here for your best and worst."

Even chokes with his tears laughing. The drawing isn't even half good as his ones, but it's made with those details that make it lovely and Even knows Isak spent more than one minute making it. His tears land on the paper, he hits the wall behind him with his head to make his brain work again. But it doesn't listen, he just hear Isak's name like an anthem, like the song stuck in his head.

Suddenly he hears someone taping the floor with their fingers.

" _There's no emergency, no sirens in front of me, there's nothing to stop me from getting my way._ "

Even turns his head to the side from which he hears Isak humming a song.

" _I'm not going anywhere, if you tell me, I'll stay right here, I'll be in the same place everyday._ "

"Never thought you listen to Nathan Sykes."

"Never thought you know it's Nathan Sykes's song."

"You know how it ends?"

"I know."

Even gets up from the floor and stands in front of the bars. Isak approaches him. They stand here, their eyes bright, both red from tears. The look at each other's faces, eyes, lips, cheeks. Everything they are never going to lose again.

"Hi." Isak smiles, and his smile makes Even want to kiss him right now. "How do you feel? Got your meds?"

Even's face turns pale. He searches for answers in Isak's gaze, but the only thing he sees is this huge happiness and hope, and maybe a bit of laughter.

"How do you know?"

"Sonja told me."

"She what?" Even's eyebrows go up as he looks at the boy startled.

"I went looking for you when you'd gone for your hamburgers, and I called her, 'cause I couldn't find you anywhere. Which was scaring, to be honest, don't do this again." Isak winks to him, still calm and smiling. "So she called the police, and when I met her she said you were safe. She also told me that you're sick, and that you don't love me."

"So why are you here?", Even asks a bit confused. He starts to think it's some kind of joke. Or maybe those weren't meds but drugs and he actually isn't in the custody but under some old bridge, hallucinating like Wade Wilson with a knife stuck in his head?

And what the hell is Deadpool doing in his mind right now? He must be hallucinating.

"Because you were more convincing." Isak lifts his eyebrow looking at Even in anticipation.

Okay, _now_ he's confused.

"I didn't say a word, Isak. What the hell, is this a dream?"

"You did, Even. A lot of words." Isak's face is getting closer as he leans forward. "And I want to tell you that I love you too. And that I will be for your best and for your worst. And if you wanna cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you wanna laugh, I will be a smile of yours. If you want to fly, I will be your wings and your sky so you can fly safely. And I will never hate you. And I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me about your issues. It will never happen again. I want you to tell me everything you think, nothing to hide. Even if it's disgusting or I am not about to like it and-"

"Like that I really like your ass? And that your ribs look good in the moonlight? And that I hate it when you hide your eyes behind your hair, just because I always want to see the whole of you? And that your dick is like the-""

"Even!"

They laugh again as Even sighs. He touches Isak's nose with his, his hands clench on the cold metal of bars. 

"I love you, Even. You make me free. You make me myself." Isak kisses Even's forehead lifting up on his tiptoes. "You make me self-confident and strong, you make me feel like I can do everything. You capture me unlike no other. Why would I hate you for that?"

Even is left speechless. He just looks into his boy's eyes. He remembers their first "hello". That was all it took. After days spent on searching for Isak in the crowd, he was finally sure that it's him who he wanted.

"Can I kiss you?", he asks searching for an approval on the smaller boy's face. He is sure his brain is dead right now and Sonja would probably prove it medically, but screw her.

"Yes, you can."

So they kiss, shortly, their tears mix up, their hearts dance tango, their smiles reflect on each other's lips.

"Don't you sing that", Isak laughs when he sees Even's fingers tapping the metal.

"Oh, I'm gonna sing that."

"I hate you."

"You said you never would."

"I din't-"

" _That's why I take my time, take as long as I got, won't pretend to be somebody I'm not. Good things come to those who wait."_

 

 

 

 

_I'm not perfect, nobody is_

_Could fill an ocean of blood sweat and tears_

_Good things come to those who wait_

 

 

_______

I didn't plan part 2, but someone asked so here it is. I hope you enjoyed it and there isn't too many grammar disasters. I'll check out typos tomorrow. It's 10p.m., my mind is blown because of crying and smiling (yes, Skam, it's your fault), and Spiderman Homecoming's trailer distracted me, so I tortured myself with those shitty songs and so here is the result.

Also the song I used is   **Good Things Come To Those Who Wait** by Nathan Sykes.

I need to wash off those tears. It will be good.

I love you <3

 


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